At a glance, Samson and Monica are the ideal couple. They are best friends, have been married for seven years and still genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The only hitch is that Samson is a compulsive spender while Monica is naturally inclined to save.
She earns considerably more than him, but he seems bent on spending every available coin. Every time he splurges on something expensive they often do not need, she works even harder to put more money into the account.
She imagines that if they have more money then they won’t fight about it, but the vicious cycle is weighing down on her.
“He wants to have a baby but I can’t. He is already a baby,” she says.
Emotional underpinnings
According to Titus Muriithi a clinical psychologist practicing in Nairobi, people’s attitudes about money are influenced by personal experiences and upbringing. Money carries a deeper emotional meaning, which manifests as a desire to spend or save.
Samson’s family had no money to spare when he was growing up and Titus explains that the resulting feeling of deprivation has led him to have a desire to acquire and consume.
And by denying his problem, Monica is enabling him.
Two people rarely have the exact same upbringing so it isn’t rare to be drawn to someone with widely divergent money styles.
However, having conflicting money personalities doesn’t mean the relationship can’t work. In fact, experts say that this could be the ideal couple combination.
“Opposite money personalities can complement each other. The saver makes sure that the couple’s financial future is taken care of while the spender ensures that they buy things and encourages them to go out to enjoy what they have worked for,” Cathy Ngondi a financial planner explains.
The secret lies in acknowledging and accepting his or her money personality.
“A lot of disagreements start when either party starts believing that their money personality is better,” she says.
While a compulsive spender is obviously wasteful, compulsive saving can be just as destructive, as it may lead to deprivation and misery.
Compromise
Once you establish that you have a different money personality from your significant other, concentrate more on compromise than change.
According to Cathy, from her years of experience, a solution that has proved successful is creating allowances for both spouses so that each partner has money to spend as they wish. A couple may have separate accounts and a third joint household account.
‘This lets the spender spend, and the saver save, in small doses,” she says.
Financial infidelity
While some couples choose to run their accounts separately, it is considerate to discuss with your partner before making any major purchases. This is especially useful for those people who tend to purchase things that are far beyond their means to maintain an idealized lifestyle.
“Financial infidelity can be just as damaging as the physical kind,” 34-year-old Veronica says from experience.
She tends to be less tight fisted with money than her husband.
Initially, her spending habits got him concerned until she stopped telling him about her purchases. She would buy things and hide them.
He only found out when she borrowed money from a mutual friend to pay off debts that she had accumulated.
“He is yet to come round the fact that I lied about my spending,” she says over six months later.
A couple ought to lay out on the table exactly what your current individual financial situations are openly and honestly. When you are willing to take your clothes off in one way with each other you should be willing to get financially naked as well.
This includes disclosing to your partner any debts that you may owe since debts owed will affect major financial decisions like buying a home.
Above the money
Despite the fact that being on the same page with your partner regarding your finances is helpful, it is not the ultimate end.
Issues pertaining to the shilling – or lack thereof, have a way of overshadowing more substantive issues, like intimacy, which keep the relationship going. A couple should keep in mind at all times that your relationship is so much more important.
You can look at it this way; relationships thrived long before money was invented.-Daily Nation