Emotional infidelity: 8 signs you’re crossing the line

In this day and age, most of us have friends of the opposite sex, whether they are co-workers, casual acquaintances, or close confidantes. The question is: how close is too close when you are in a romantic relationship with someone else? Here are some signs that your so-called friendship may be entering the not-so-gray area of emotional infidelity:

1You dress up for him. When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle and wonder what he will think (instead of how your partner will react), that is a danger sign. We all consider our audience when we are getting ready to go out, but doing so with a particular other in mind — not your significant other — suggests there is something more here than meets the eye. — Judith Tutin

2You do special things for him that you do not do for others. You give him that cute card that perfectly captures how you feel about your friendship, or the little knickknack from your last trip which you imagine him placing on his desk.

It seems innocent enough, but they are little reminders of you and invitations to reciprocate. What are your true intentions about this relationship and this person? — Judith Tutin

3You compare him to your partner. Comparing is a judgment, and judgments leave us feeling either really good or really bad. You think of him and really feel good, and then you think of your partner and you feel bad in some way. — Charlotte Michie

4You anticipate your next encounter. You are checking your email, phone, or Facebook, hoping that he has contacted you. You feel excited and are hoping he has contacted you. — Charlotte Michie

5You feel understood by him, unlike by your partner. A really big red flag is when your thoughts wander towards “he really gets me. He knows exactly how I feel.” Then you think of your partner and how he does not get you and he is a loser when it comes to your feelings. — Charlotte Michie

6You tell “little white lies” to your partner. They are “little white lies” because there is nothing going on and you do not want to upset your partner needlessly. Search your conscience and be honest with yourself about your motives. If there is nothing going on, then telling your partner should not be a problem. — Charlotte Michie

7You show off for him. You smile more brightly. Your voice is more musical, more husky, more inviting. This is an ordinary part of the human mating dance. If you catch yourself doing it, that is okay, but be careful. You may want to sit out the next dance until your capacity for rational thought fully returns. — Stephen Snyder

8You feel more alive. This is one of the most dangerous elements of emotional attraction. The intensification of feeling and sensation that accompanies new love can be a powerful turn-on. Want advice? Try this: do not fight the feeling, but do not nurture it either.

Just enjoy it as a pleasant reminder that you are still alive. Chances are you will see the feeling fade over time. That is the good news, and the bad news too. — Stephen Snyder